9:45PM. Maybe I’ll go back to how I was before, you tell me. I like you how you are now, I say, and look up immediately because I don’t think it’s something you like hearing. You’re gone already. I wish I hadn’t said anything.
11:30PM. I’m back home. Wait, I whisper. I already know it’s not real. No one can see or hear me. I’m a ghost wandering our apartment. After awhile I curl up on the ground and will myself to consciousness.
5:40AM. We are still conscious in sleep. Concepts of time are chaotic in sleep, as you might find your past, present, and future in one incoherent mess…
7:15AM. “Don’t say that!” I mean it, though. I just wouldn’t really mind at this point. “But I would. I’d be sad.”
11:15AM. "If sleep deprivation continues indefinitely, the subject will die."
3:30PM. Josie’s coming to visit. Montreal has become Halloweentown. What are you doing? you ask. Painting telephone wires black, I answer, and continue to do so. The scene changes. It’s not Halloweentown anymore, it’s a real nightmare. A young girl appears before me. A normal girl, but something about her is terrifyingly grotesque and makes you want to look away. She leads me into an underground complex. I see something lying in the corner - I can’t tell you what it was now, but I know it was everything I so desperately wanted. I snatch it and run. The girl screams and begins to chase. I turn around and hurl a knife into her hand. She spurts blood all over the ground and continues running. We’re at the ascension now, the exit of the lair, but the gap is closing, growing smaller and smaller, I’m not going to make it -
5:45PM. I can’t remember
what if everything i feel from here on out will just be lesser versions of what i’ve already felt
just sitting here with 2 midterms and a 10-page paper due, eating hot chicken noodle and crying over an episode of HIMYM
just sitting here with 3 midterms and 300 pages to read, eating hot congee and crying over an episode of HIMYM
funny how that works
sometimes I miss home
sometimes I want to go back
if only because sometimes
I want to not be here
oF cOURSE i accidentally read all the excluded sections in the textbook
i miss new york
i guess i had that one coming.
my week: spending the better part of 3 days in the law library, buckets of coffee, 2 hour naps between 2-5am. constantly forgetting/asking what day it was because i’ve only gone to one lecture this week and have completely lost any concept of time and space.
on a more exciting note, leaving in the dead of night for new york city tomorrow and very ready to tear it uuuppppppp